LA-based singer-songwriter, Sara Jackson-Holman just released her new single “Garden of Me,” and Celeb Secrets had the opportunity chat with the artist and hear all about the new track.
Coming off the heels of her recently released single “SUPERCINEMATIC,” Jackson-Holman shares that the inspiration behind “Garden of Me” took digging deeper into her life, past relationships and the trust issues that can come with them.
“‘Garden of Me’ was written as a reaction reflecting on my life over the last couple years,” Jackson-Holman tells Celeb Secrets in an exclusive interview. “I have a complicated relationship with my mother, and we stopped speaking two years ago. In the months that followed, I was numb, dissociated, angry, and then very, very sad. It was really hard and painful.”
“I want my pain to make my life more beautiful, as I believe it can. It can give you empathy and a deeper understanding of your own humanity,” she adds. “Ultimately, I want pain to make a garden of me.”
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We sat down with Sara (virtually) to talk all about “Garden of Me” and the inspiration process behind the song, its music video, and what’s to come from her new music. Jackson-Holman’s rich and soothing voice allows her to create music that anyone can love!
Check out the full Q&A below and don’t forget to let us know what you think of “Garden of Me” by leaving a reaction at the bottom of the post or by sending us a tweet at @celebsecrets.
You can also connect with Sarah by giving her a follow on Instagram at @sarajacksonholman.
Celeb Secrets: Hi Sara, thank you for taking the time to chat with us. Can you briefly walk us through your musical journey?
Sara Jackson-Holman (SJH): “Classical piano, studied piano in college, started writing my own songs, recorded a shitty demo in an hour and uploaded it onto myspace, got signed, got my first song licensed (in a Castle season finale), and dropped out of college!”
CS: When did you start singing and what inspired you to get into music? When did you decide to pursue singing professionally?
SJH: “I started singing when I was 3. Apparently, I used to sing from behind a bush to lure friends to play with me in the yard, longing for connection, a siren song. It never really worked, but I kept trying anyway. I started piano lessons when I was 6, and stopped singing for many years because a family friend told me I wasn’t a singer. After, my parents would try to catch me in the bathtub when I was mermaiding, or bribe me to sing for them with candy (which I would stoically and tearfully refuse). Taking choir, band, or orchestra was mandatory in middle school, and my mom forced me into choir because she would not listen to me practice another instrument, as I was devoting quite a bit of time to piano already. ‘Just open and shut your mouth for a year, I don’t really care if any sound comes out. You can quit after that,’ she said of choir. In the end, I loved it, and sang in choirs through high school– but more as a background and supporting role than a main character. It wasn’t until I was in college that I began writing my own music and gaining confidence to sing by myself, mostly at the encouragement of my peers. So it wasn’t really one moment, but a slow unfolding of many, many smaller moments.”
CS: Who are some of your musical inspirations for your songs?
SJH: “Angel Olsen, Father John Misty, Erik Satie, Harry Nilsson, and Mariah Carey.”
CS: Congratulations on the release of your new project “Garden of Me,” how has the release been? What was the inspiration behind this song?
SJH: “Thank you! It’s been going! I don’t enjoy the release process nearly as much as I love the creation process — not an unusual sentiment I’m sure. ‘Garden of Me’ was written as a reaction reflecting on my life over the last couple years. I have a complicated relationship with my mother, and we stopped speaking two years ago. In the months that followed, I was numb, dissociated, angry, and then very, very sad. It was really hard and painful. I kept asking myself– how can I ever trust anything or anyone if I can’t trust my relationship with my own mother? That’s the one relationship that should be a given, and it is so formative to your sense of trust in the world. But also, pain, unaddressed, can be so corrosive. I saw it calcify in my family members, making them cynical, eroding their sense of trust in self and in others. Inevitably, cynicism makes your world smaller, and I don’t want that for myself. I think in many ways the only agency we have is how we respond to suffering. In the end, I choose happiness, I want to love wholeheartedly and trust others even though I’ve been hurt, and I want to absolutely surrender to my life so I can live it, fully. I want my pain to make my life more beautiful, as I believe it can. It can give you empathy and a deeper understanding of your own humanity. Ultimately, I want pain to make a garden of me.”
CS: Along with “Garden of Me,” you released a music video for it. What was it like making the video and what was the inspiration behind it?
SJH: “When I was driving to a hair appointment, I had this idea of crying petals in stop motion until I was covered in them and literally making a ‘garden of me.’ I wrote to my makeup artist friend Dominique, to see if it was possible. I couldn’t have done it without her so I’m so happy she said yes! I moved the furniture in my house [with the help of my husband], went to the flower market, and transformed my living room into a set. The process was really sweet — I had another close friend come over to help and we all drank wine, listened to music, and just made art together! I feel really grateful for the energy behind the video and can’t help but feel that comfort and support comes through. We set up a tripod and took 20-30 photos after each flower application. The editing was a bit of a learning curve — I’d never done stop motion before — but it feels rewarding to learn some new skills and to have that kind of oversight and creative control in the visual representation of self.”
CS: You have a pretty packed release schedule coming up, you released your new single, “Garden of Me,” on Oct 22, but you’ve also teased your upcoming album. What are you most excited for fans to hear or see in your new projects?
SJH: “It might actually be ‘garden of me!’ It’s hopeful, anthemic, and I’m really proud of it. In a lot of ways, it is a bittersweet farewell to a painful chapter of my life, and an ode to the woman I was a couple years ago. I’m not her anymore, but don’t you always want to tell your past struggling self, ‘hold on sweetie it gets better!'”
CS: If you could describe your upcoming album/music in three words what would they be and why?
SJH: “Exploratory, consumed, preoccupied. My inner landscape is dramatic. It’s basically just a day in the life!”
CS: How have you seen yourself and your music change since you started making music?
SJH: “In every way imaginable! I’m a completely different person than I was 10 years ago and I’m sure my music reflects that. I hope I can say the same thing in another ten years.”
CS: You’ve been in the entertainment industry since early 2010, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve been given that you would want to share with anyone trying to get into the industry?
SJH: “Find people who believe in you, and appreciate the hell out of them! Also, most importantly, just get to know yourself. People who are creatively inclined have an opportunity to delve into their inner world and really explore it — dive all the way! I guess I feel like the more you know yourself, the better you’re able to reflect back your individual experience to the world in a way that is authentically expressive. And that ultimately (hopefully!) serves you even better personally than musically.”
CS: Since we’re Celeb Secrets, do you have any secrets about yourself or your music that people wouldn’t know?
SJH: “I did 4H with a lamb when I was in 4th grade. We lived in a more suburban neighborhood of Bend, Oregon at the time — but my grandmother got sheep for her 5 acres in the country. Everyone would show up to the 4H meetings in these big trucks and we would arrive with my lamb, ‘Buster,’ in the back of my mom’s Volvo wagon. After the whole thing, I didn’t eat lamb for a very, very long time.”
