Doll enthusiast and social media sensation Clawdeena is best known for her incredible make-up transformations and her YouTube videos where she shares her extensive knowledge about many different types of dolls.
Clawdeena has become quite the Internet sensation, and is truly creative at heart. As a visual storyteller, she creates looks with makeup that showcase her creative talents and emphasize the stories she tells online.
From the young age of 10 years old, Clawdeena dealt with feeling different in her small hometown by creating online content and sharing it with the world to express herself!
Celeb Secrets caught up with Clawdeena to learn more about the inspiration behind her extensive doll collection, becoming the character Clawdeena, her passion for mental health advocacy and her latest documentary!
Scroll down for the full Q&A and don’t forget to let us know what you think of her YouTube channel by leaving a reaction at the bottom of the post or by sliding into our DMs on Instagram at @celebsecrets.
You can connect with Clawdeena by giving her a follow on Instagram at @mamadeenaofficial and Tik Tok at @clawdeena.
Celeb Secrets: Thanks for chatting with us! Since it’s your first time with Celeb Secrets, tell us a bit about yourself! Where are you from? Where did you get your start?
Clawdeena: “I started creating doll reviews and stop motions in my small hometown of DeLand Florida when I was 10 years old. I had realized I was gay at the same age, and let’s just say – being from a small town as a ‘big gay rainbow fish’ left me feeling like a fish out of water. Playing with dolls and creating content online is how I coped and managed to express myself!”
CS: That’s amazing that you’ve managed to build a career from your love of dolls! What about Monster High was so inspiring to you? What pulled you to start the dolls?
Clawdeena: “From the start, Monster High’s brand message was to promote tolerance and embrace differences. At the time, the franchise broke the mold on what it meant to be a fashion doll by featuring daring designs with a deep and meaningful message. I really needed that as a kid who was struggling with my identity and self esteem so much. It’s also why I collect dolls. To me, they’re a vessel for me to create and explore my creativity when I’m feeling like life is giving me pressures too heavy to carry.”
CS: That’s a beautiful way to put it. When did your love for dolls begin and what keeps your passion for dolls exciting to you?
Clawdeena: “I remember being obsessed with dolls as young as 2 years old. I had this Ariel doll that I would bring with me everywhere; to the beach, to school, in the bathtub. You name it, she was there with me. When I was 4 years old, I ended up losing her on a family trip to New York. I was devastated! Life just wasn’t the same when she wasn’t part of my world…I think losing that doll is why it’s so hard for me to let go of them today. I’m so captivated by dolls visually, and since the doll community is built on such talented creatives it’s easy for me to stay passionate about them!”
CS: Well, the doll community is lucky to have you. You like dressing up and putting makeup on, birthing your alter ego, Clawdeena! What inspired that?
Clawdeena: “How much time do we have? This can be a long answer! My mom has a large birthmark that covers half of her entire body. I watched her put on makeup every single day of my life until I moved out. She was ridiculed constantly, and people often assumed she wasn’t intelligent because of how she looked. When I was 14, I stumbled upon RuPauls Drag Race: Season 6, and I was obsessed. It made me realize that men could do makeup too, and my goal was to continue my mom’s legacy of making those who underestimate me do a double take. As ‘Clawdeena’ I present as glamorous and people expect me to be a superficial bitch. They’re always shocked when I do an interview and I start talking about things with substance.”
CS: I bet RuPaul would love to hear that you were inspired by him! As a queer person of color, what has your biggest challenge in the industry been?
Clawdeena: “I think it may shock people to hear this, but my biggest challenge as a queer person of color in this industry is mob mentality. I’m a huge fan of the YouTuber Contrapoints who explored the topic of ‘canceling’ and how it often affects people in marginalized groups more deeply than the people in power that the movement was designed to hold accountable. When someone like me, who is ‘othered’ and is part of multiple marginalized groups, Asian, queer, feminine gets ‘canceled’ they lose the only place they have to turn to. They’re already turned away by the ‘majority’ and this deeply affects the foundation and mental well being of our communities. Just so people know I’m not just spewing big scary words, Dr. Christine Marie, trauma informed media psychologist, studies this in her dissertation on media misrepresentation and humiliation. She discovered people who experience this public shaming develop PTSD symptoms which actually prevents a restorative process, and isn’t that the point of accountability? To create restorative change.”
CS: Wow. Thank you for opening up to us about that, and being so honest. To all of your younger fans, what advice would you give them to feel comfortable in their own skin?
Clawdeena: “Firstly, I want to normalize that feeling comfortable as yourself is not easy. It’s absolutely natural to look in the mirror and think, ‘I don’t like the person I’m looking at right now”. It would be cruel of me to say some trite cliche like “you just have to love yourself!” If you could just flip a switch and do that, I’m sure we’d all be doing it. What I’ve learned is that there are parts of me that love me, and parts of me that really don’t. This doesn’t have to be a big project; learning to love yourself begins by making small promises to yourself. Try not to overcomplicate it. My personal practice is to make a checklist of 3 things. ‘I am going to brush my teeth today, I am going to make my bed today, I am going to listen to a song that makes me feel inspired’. That’s it. Humans are ritualistic creatures, by practicing something habitually, you will create a new neural pathway that can slowly guide you to healing.”
CS: You’re clearly very successful at maintaining a positive mindset and giving good advice. Can you tell us what it’s like to be a crisis counselor?
Clawdeena: “Ironically, I stay positive by being negative. Hear me out. A positive multiplied by a negative creates a negative. A negative multiplied by a negative creates a positive. I think it’s important we meet both ourselves and others where they’re at. What I’ve learned as a crisis counselor is that if someone is in a negative headspace, the goal isn’t to get them to a positive headspace, it’s just to create space for them and whatever emotions show up for them. Period. Negativity exists, and that’s a natural part of being human. Sometimes, you just want to cry or scream or be critical. Don’t get me wrong, too much of anything isn’t a good thing, but balancing out space for both negative and positive emotions is vital to experiencing life to its fullest capacity.”
CS: Do you feel added pressure with so many eyes on you?
Clawdeena: “Yes, I absolutely do feel an unbearable amount of pressure at times. It’s not natural to be observed by so many people, though I wouldn’t want it any other way. Working in the entertainment industry can send your head up into the clouds, and sometimes those clouds carry thunderstorms. In order to stay grounded, I take myself on dates, you know, going to the beach or for a hike. Things I’d want to do with a partner that I can also do alone. I practice doll photography, which is basically using my dolls as models. It’s so cathartic to sit in photoshop for hours and edit the colors and backgrounds. I like reading books, though I gotta keep some things private so I swore secrecy to myself that I won’t share what books those are.”
CS: As a trailblazer in the doll space, what do you think you can provide to young kids who are looking for a role model?
Clawdeena: “It’s an honor to be considered a trailblazer in dolls, thank you! I’m incredibly passionate about creating spaces where people can be seen and heard. I don’t want people to pity me, though I will share because it’s relevant that I had it rough growing up. I had two disabled parents and that sometimes meant I had to take care of them more than they did me. I was constantly bullied and picked on in school; I remember all of 6th grade I was kicked in the stomach by the same boy at parent pickup every single day. There were teachers around, students looking, parents picking up their kids passing by. No one ever said anything. That kinda trauma sticks. I hope people can hear my experience and feel hopeful that there can be absolute diamond experiences that juxtapose getting tormented at the hands of another hurt human being. I was beat up as a kid in multiple instances, but I was also a kid that walked red carpets and was invited to meet celebrities like Lady Gaga. All that’s to say, there is hope in being resilient.”
CS: You’ve released a documentary – can you tell us about it?
Clawdeena: “This has to be my favorite project I’ve ever worked on. Docustyle format is something I’ve wanted to dive into ever since my experience working on the show ‘Growing Up Is A Drag’. Doll content on YouTube is still fairly niche and the options for the types of doll related content is a small selection. I felt like something that was missing in doll related content is reality TV! I wanted to give people a real inside look behind the curtain. For the first time ever, I showed how I’m able to afford my dolls and I even captured myself acquiring a brand sponsorship with the Whatnot app to pay for my collection. I’m actually selling a portion of my collection on that platform right now, and if you’re wondering why, that is you’ll have to tune into parts 2 and 3 of the documentary!”
CS: What can we expect from the unreleased parts?
Clawdeena: “This has to be the most exciting part of the documentary. Everything comes to a fever pitch. I’m actually only missing 25 Monster High dolls out of 800+ as of Part 3, so you’ll get to watch how I track down all 25 dolls, how I’m recovering from my brutal breakup, and finally, visiting my mom in Florida which has been anticipated since Part 1. I also address some intensely emotional and polarizing topics but I don’t want to give too much away, so you’ll have to tune in!”
CS: Finally, we’re Celeb Secrets – can you share a secret of yours that no one knows, or may surprise your fans?
Clawdeena: “My YouTube slogan is giving you the tea on the toys you love, so in honor of that… I have THREE one-of-a-kind doll prototypes I’ve never shared with the public. Each was gifted to me either by a toy designer or someone that worked in toys. For their privacy, I won’t share which doll lines, but I will say I have never posted any photos or videos of these dolls and I’ll likely take them with me to my grave!”
